All things are endless

Sitting here tonight after my work week has begun and ended I am thinking of how all things come and go in time. But they also continue on in another time and realm of your life. Work weeks go by and end where you hopefully get some down time to regroup and recharge. I am finishing up this semester at school only to take a break and begin again in January. The leaves once on the trees and then my yard have been lovingly blown away and placed gently where needed to nurture the plants and help shield them till time for them to once again bloom. 

The birds I viewed all day outside my windows having their daily journey to a fro to feed and back to nest have rested for the night. They too will return in the morning as I awake and hear their songs and watch them fly  from trees to the bird feeder on my porch and back again and again until they are satisfied.

The fire I lit earlier has dwindled down to just a distant glow but awaits me should I choose to light it once again. The warm nights of summer are fading into cold where I find other ways to enjoy this place I call home. I find myself inside more than out and seeing things from a different perspective.  For me that is kind of the way I view all of life.  I venture out into the world and work and communicate face to face while going through my daily activities only to return home to shut out that part of the world and let the other part in. This part of my world is full also of different things such as writing, homework for school, connecting on Facebook my sort of life through a different window – the one of my computer and the internet world. But none the less I do not view it any different than my face to face interactions during the day. I do not value my time and friends there any less or more than the other. Instead I find it another way to express myself and stay connected.

Some of my friends I connected with before my world of internet connection do though find it troublesome and disconnected at times. I do not mean it to be that way at all. If I can’t see them and they join me in this new world of communicating we could be just as close if not closer as I seem to be in a phase now where I may share more in this space.  It does not mean that the other has ended but only that it is continuing in a different form. Once again things do not end they only go on to the next level or change of being in my world. Sometimes I may not feel like heading back to town or wherever to connect face to face but that in no way means that I do not want to connect. It is kind of like becoming unplugged from one world into another and all of my friends are still there.

As I grow older I realize the importance of change and acceptance of things as they are and not as always I think they should be. I go with the flow and let in and out what is necessary to do so. At the same time I realize that there are doors and windows everywhere in life. I just must see them and make use of them and not block them out due to my own fears and insecurity. I am at a phase in my life where I am doing more things that require me to be at home at and my computer, online classes at school because it affords me an opportunity that otherwise I would not have. I am writing now for different small local publications and using my photos for more than just posting on Facebook and others are appreciative of them. I also am blessed with a place that I do not care to leave too often as I find sanctuary here. This has been a long time coming or at least to the degree that I so view this place I now call home. I have lived many places and had many homes but this place is one I have dreamed of for many years. I am grateful and want to partake in all it offers me and to share it with others. 

I love having company but I also value my alone- ME- time. I don’t feel it is selfish to do so anymore as I may have in the past. I always give OF myself and now is the time to also give TO myself. I am glad that I can acknowledge this and partake of it. 

A recent big change occurred in my life this past summer when my ex husband Vince died and left this realm of life as we know it. But I don't think that is the end of life. I have many of his books and CD's here and that is strange to me as I had not been with him for over 20 years and now he is a part of my life again in a different form. Strangely enough since this happened I have been writing like crazy (one of his dreams for many years) and so have others that come to this space and are getting published in major magazines. He lives on here in this mountain space I call home. I carry his spirit forward and share with others. My daughters were there with him when he died and Kim was holding his hand and Gwen is holding on tight to pull his spirit on with the gifts of his life she is sharing with others through his books and things he loved. 

That is how the books and CD's ended up here with me. Oh life is so interesting!
This is one room of Vince's small two room apt near the end of his life and it was lined with the books that he loved.

The picture above is but one of the shelves of his books that I now have here with me.

So life goes on and changes occur inside and outside of me moment by moment and I don’t question it much anymore but just sit and say – Thank You.