My journey to and view on life in and around Asheville

As I sit tonight and look back over my life I have concluded that "Things don't fall apart - they fall together."  I remember many times in my life when nothing seemed right and even the space I needed to  breathe felt as if it could not be found. In fact I actually felt I could not catch my breath as at one time in my life during which I suffered from horrible anxiety and panic attacks. In fact this time in itself helped me later in life to relate to some of my patients as a counselor. When they shared that they too suffered from these attacks I could say "I understand" and really did. So all things do come with a gift even if not recognized at the time.
I recall times of feeling stuck and off balance and out of whack so to say and I am grateful that I have a friend Micah who always would say to me "Debbie you are out of balance - find your center girl." Find my center I would think at the time and then would go on to think that she has no idea what I am going through. How could I possibly do such a thing in the middle of what I was dealing with at the time, a divorce due to my ex-husband having an affair, feeling the need to quit a job I loved at WNCAP as a HIV/AIDS Case Manager, feeling the need to sell everything and just run away and the list goes on and on.
This list is now what I call my life. In the midst of my life I recall living many places and never really feeling the connection. Sure I worked and had friends in many places, I made a house try to feel like home no matter where and was always complimented on the feeling others got when they visited. But something was missing. I felt disconnected not only from my surroundings but from myself. I now looking back realize I was looking for myself outside of myself and of course I could not be found. I now realize that  - wherever you go there you are - a favorite quote of mine from  Jon Kabat-Zinn.
I was running from me instead of into me. Well that would change once I discovered Asheville, NC and the beautiful Western North Carolina Mountains I now call home. Somehow here living in some of the oldest mountains in the world I find I have found myself and my home. Of course that took time also and did not occur overnight. And the times of feeling off balance that my friend Micah reminded me of occurred after moving here. But none the less it came to be my place of healing and renewal of myself.
I will always remember the first time I visited here in 1989 and the feeling that tugged at me until I moved here. Talk about feeling out of balance. Whew! Every time I came here and was about to leave I was immediately thrown into a tailspin of sorts and was not to find contentment anywhere until I returned. No matter what great job I had or nice house I found to live in it just didn't feel right. Of course to remedy this situation I just needed to head to the mountains and as I drove here and once I saw them looming in the distance it was all I could do not to speed up to get here. Well now some 15 years later I am glad that things fell apart so they could fall together. Now leaving these mountains I look at them in the rear view mirror and say as "Goodbye and I will be back soon." I was reminded of this today by Barbara who works at our new Health Food Store here in Gerton, NC.
My blogs will continue to share with you some of my experience of getting here and of living here and calling it my "home". And it is not just my physical home but my spiritual home as well. So welcome to my journey and my love of Asheville. Of course I have loved it immensely since moving here although other things fell apart, my previous marriage that ended after moving here to mention one . But this journey is one that was added to immensely by discovering my little piece of paradise here on a mountain in Gerton just a few miles outside of downtown Asheville. Until June of 2010 I called downtown Asheville my home and could walk to town from the places I lived. But also many a day I drove these roads leading to my home while doing social work and always felt another deep calling to stop and BE here where I am writing this blog from in this amazing space tonight.